Snowy finds Love at First Sight

One the way home from our adventures in Tosail Island, as we were driving down the road, suddenly Kirk stood on the brakes and turned the car around in the middle of US117. “We’ve GOT to get a picture of Snowy  with THIS!” he proclaimed.

Snowy seemed to warm right up to the the Man in the Boat. We figured maybe it was because of her penchant for southern fishermen. Or maybe it was because this man was, well, made out of plastic just like her.

Whatever the strange connection was, the Man in the Boat must have felt it, too. Because upon closer inspection, we found a little something in the bottom of his boat.

Birth control pills??? We were perplexed. How did they get there, we wondered? Could this really be happening? Our little Snowy had to check out the situation for herself.

Snowy didn’t care where they came from. Snowy didn’t ask any questions. As far as she was concerned, this was the Man for her! He’s PERFECT for me, she crooned. She wasted no time getting a litle closer to him and checking him out.

“Hey there, big boy,” she whispered, seductively. “Go ahead and touch my fluffy feathers. You know you want to.”

“Oh baby, baby” the Man panted. “Let’s get out of here and go for a ride!” Snowy was ready, too. She didn’t care if he was a plastic man with no legs. After all, she was just a plastic flaming with cheap glued on feathers! Goodbye, little Snowy and good luck with your new romance.

We were all a little misty-eyed as they waved good bye. We were happy for Snowy, and glad that she had found someone who, at least, shared her strong beliefs in safe sex.

Well, Klinton was a tiny bit upset, when he learned that Snowy had chosen a legless, plastic man in an ugly wooden boat… over him….. but, that’s another blog.

Snowy does Topsail Island

It was a beautiful October day. Snowy and her friends decided to head out to Topsail Island. The Autumn in Topsail Festival was taking place that weekend – an arts and crafts show, complete with live music, street food vendors and a beer and wine tent.

While everyone else was taking in a gorgeous veiw of the Intracoastal Waterway….

….our wild, little rule-breaker was sneaking off, trying to get into some more trouble!

Snowy thought this guy was kinda cute… he reminded her of her husband!

Who is this, and what is this man doing? It’s Kirk, down on his knees, trying to get a perfect photograph of Snowy!

And here’s the fruit of his labor of love. Snowy, in all her glory, looking like a darn beauty queen!

After posing for her glamour shot, Snowy was ready for a cup of coffee.

And a snack of some boiled peanuts! Snowy loves nuts almost as much as she does hot dogs!

It wasn’t long before Snowy discovered the wine booth.

And the beer! And the cute beer man! This poor guy had never been hit on by a flamingo, before.

No, Snowy, you cannot drink it straight from the tap!

Snowy was quite impressed with the handiwork of the local artists.  As usual, she was a little confused and kept trying to proposition the wooden flamingo! Well, you can’t blame a girl for trying.

She really got into the spirit of the festival and jumped up on stage to sing some beach music for the admiring crowds.

Then Kirk decided to take Snowy for a little ride, thinking he could get her to cool down.

They checked out some missles at the Missles and More Museum. Snowy! Get your mind out of the gutter!

And climbed up the water tower. Snowy LOVES climbing towers! She wasn’t cooling down, Kirk!

Snowy even tried to talk these poor people into a threesome! A menage a trois!

Snowy, Snowy, you just need to…..

No No Snowy, not that! You just need to……

Snowy Narrowly Misses getting Arrested

On the way home from The Bonefish Grill, Snowy and her friends were all feeling pretty relaxed.

When Jeff went into a store to buy a lottery ticket….

Snowy hoped out of the car and ran up to the first man she could find and introduced herself!

Turns out, not only was he married, but he was an EMT, who offered to take her to the hospital for a sobriety test!

Snowy managed to talk herself out of that one! But she hoped right from the frying pan into the fire, because the next man she found herself flirting with…..

…was a cop, who refused to be photographed with a silly flamingo. In fact, he had a few hard questions about exactly WHO was driving!

Thank God, Klinton was able to explain everything to “The Man’s” satisfaction!

 

Always the voice of reason, Debbie intervened and urged everyone to straighten up and act their age. Then she said a quiet prayer, asking for patience to help her deal with the insanity the was unfolding all around her.

Later, back at Ginger’s house, Snowy had a late night snack before turning in for the night.

Snowy does The Bonefish Grill

It was Snowy’s second night in Wilmington, N.C. Her friends had planned to go to Myrtle Beach, S.C. for dinner, but there was a last minute change of plans. So it was decided that they would stay in Wilmington and  go to Ginger and Jeff’s favorite restaurant, The Bonefish Grill. Snowy was lucky enough to score a date with Ginger’s handsome son, Klinton.

If the hostess was a little suprised to see a group of slightly intoxicated middle aged folks, and a handsome young hunk toting around a pink, plastic flamingo, she managed to maintained her composure and hid her curiosity well.

After carefully considering the menu,

Snowy decided to start with an order of Bang Bang Shrimp – tender, crispy shrimp tossed in a creamy, spicy sauce served over a bed of lettuce with chop sticks.

Snowy couldn’t resist the wonderful specialty martinis and chose to start with an Espresso Martini –
Stolichnaya Vanil Vodka, Kahlua, crème de cacao and espresso. Served with a chocolate sugared rim.

For her next course, an order of Mussels Josephine – Prince Edward Island Mussels sautéed with tomatoes, garlic, red onions, basil and lemon wine sauce.

Next she helped Kirk sample some Ahi Tuna Sashimi, which is sesame seared, sliced with wasabi and pickled ginger.

Time for another martini! This time, Snowy tried a Classic Vodka Martini – level premium vodka, shaken and garnished with Danish Bleu Cheese stuffed olives. Yum!

The main course was Mahi Tuna with lobster thermador. And wine. A New Zealand Pinot Grogio.

When the waitress came around to take the dessert order, Snowy said that it about time that she took an exclusive, private tour of the kitchen! She talked Kirk into slipping the hostess a $20….and she whispered to the hostess that she was looking for something a little wild to get into.

The next thing she knew, she was back in the kitchen being abused by a sadisitic sous chef!

After narrowly escaping being beheaded, she hid in the freezer.

Then she must have passed out, and somehow came to in the dishwasher!

After being subjected to a little water boarding torture….

…and being locked up behind bars….

She was finally released to her friends, and found herself safe in their back seat, with Klinton as the designated driver.

Ten Random Things About Snowy

 

1. Snowy gets confused, easily and frequently. Here she is, trying to order a Red Snapper (a drink made with amaretto, Crown Royal and cranberry juice) at a fish market.

2. Snowy has a large family.

3. Most tee shirts don’t fit her.

4. Snowy is an animal lover.

5. Snowy likes to “shake her tail feathers!”

6. Nobody knows how to get into their drinking, more than our little Snowy!

7. Snowy knows how to keep her man happy!

8. Snowy is civic minded.

9. Snowy does a pretty darn good Sarah Palin impersonation!

10. Snowy’s friends really miss her alot when she’s not around.

Snowy Sobers Up – The Morning After

It’s here. The Morning after. The first order of business was a nice shower. Snowy couldn’t wait to get all the smoke smells, man smells and dog smells off of her. Even though her feathers were looking a little ratty, Snowy was beginning to feel like her old self again.

Nothing like a professional blow job to make a girl look all fluffy again!

In a fine display of sincere remorse, for acting all slutty the night before, Snowy offered to help make breakfast. Ginger was thrilled, as it gave her some time to help her husband, Jeff, pick the pink feathers out of his shorts!

After breakfast, she hung out with Kirk, drinking coffee and looking at pictures on the computer.  Being the nice guy that he is, Kirk asked Snowy what she would like to look at.

She convinced Kirk to go to http://www.flickr.com/photos/paigelynn/172111090/. Kirk thought, at this point, nothing Snowy could do would shock him. But he was wrong! Snowy has another vice…..flamingo porn!

Next, she ventured up into “The Man Room.” She found Debbie making up the sofa sleeper and offered to help fold the sheets.

Then Snowy spotted the little refrigerator and the tray of bar glasses, and all of a sudden, she was thinking about having her first drink of the day! And it was only 10 AM!

Snowy was weak. She couldn’t resist the temptaion. She thought maybe a little feather of the bird that bit her would make her feel better. Nothing like a little Parrot Bay with your Mojito to get your groove on!

Snowy has a Nightmare about Old Hags

 

 

After her wild night of drinking, smoking, sorting, eating (ahem!) hot dogs and other pieces of meat and getting, literally, chewed by a dog, Snowy was ready for bed. She felt kinda guilty about what she had done to her good friend, Ginger. She kept thinking about the expression on Ginger’s face right before she started flirting behaviour with Ginger’s husband. Was Ginger smiling because she was plotting some horrible revenge?

 Snowy just hoped she hadn’t traumitized her too much by climbing into her husband’s shorts. She really hoped she would just be able to get a good night’s rest, and apologize to Ginger in the morning, when she felt better.  But alas, all the activities of the evening, not to mention all the substance she had consumed, lulled her into a horrible nightmare!

Folk belief in Newfoundland, South Carolina and Georgia describe the negative figure of the Hag who leaves her physical body at night, and sits on the chest of her victim. The victim usually wakes with a feeling of terror, has difficulty breathing because of a perceived heavy invisible weight on his or her chest, and is unable to move i.e., experiences sleep paralysis. This nightmare experience is described as being “hag-ridden” in the Gullah lore. The “Old Hag” was a nightmare spirit in British and also Anglophone North American folklore.

The next thing she knew, the Old Hag was actually GINGER, who had transformed into a hideous looking creature, intent on punishing Snowy for her indecretions with her husband!  What was most disturbing, she still had that fightening little smile on her face.

She kept screaming, “I’ll get you, my pretty!” and mumbling something about a Rattlesnake eating Bob Bon’s in a beehive. It was all so confusing. Snowy felt like she should know what she was talking about, but she couldn’t put it all together. She knew that Ginger wouldn’t be saying these things on her own. SOMEONE or SOMETHING was influencing her! Then, in her dream, she realized Ginger was not alone. OH MY GOD, thought Snowy! There are two hags after me!

Snowy woke up in a cold sweat and vowed to never party with these crazy people again! Then she realized she was staying with them for the weekend, so she’d just have to make the best of it. Like Scarlette O’Hara, she thought, “Oh fiddle dee dee, I’ll worry about all this in the morning.”

And then, she rolled over and went back to sleep.

Snowy goes to the dogs

This is Snowy passed out. She has “confessed” to us the reason behind all the debauchery of her wild night, but sadly, her poor little plastic flamingo brain has lost some of the details of what really happenned. As we say down here in North Carolina, y’all…..she was a few crackers short of a pack of Nabs.

As you can see, Snowy did a little more than just smoke a joint and drink a whole bottle of wine!

Then she remembered a tee shirt she saw the day before and POOF! she had an idea!

Oh NO!! Don’t do it Snowy!! He’s your good friend’s husband!! Snowy, have you NO SHAME??

Well, as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. Evidently, our little Snowy was too far gone to realize what she was doing….

 

Later, she tried to explain it all away by saying she was just having flashbacks of The Trolley Shop and the great hot dogs she had there.

Frankly, even the dog was shocked….

 Afterwards, she went behind the elephant ears. Lord only knows what she was doing in there…

It was a wild night, to say the least. In fact, we think it’s safe to say that Snowy….truely….on this night….went to the dogs!

Snowy’s Confession

Snowy:

“I’m so sorry I drank so much last night, and made such a fool of myself, but I was drinking to forget. I’m having a mental breakdown, here, and I need to confess something. I got up there on that beautiful Johnny Mercer’s Pier and, suddenly, I forgot all about my poor husband at home in his pitiful hemmoriodal condition! It was the smell! It was the fishy breeze! The devil made me do it!!”

“I WANTED to be TAKEN by a red-neck Southern Fisherman!! OH MY GOD!! What have I done??”

Snowy definitely was “hooked” on the fishermen. After a night of drinking wine, trying to forget, she was so sorry and felt soooo bad.

We, her good friends, helped her out with an ice pack for her little head and a few Ibuprofin for her aching brain. Sadly, nothing could heal her achy breaky heart. Unrequited love between a pink, plastic flamingo and a red-neck southern fisherman is a sad thing, indeed. Poor little Snowy.

Snowy Heads Home For A Quiet Night With Friends, But something Goes Terribly Wrong!

Snowy loved her day at the beach, but was getting a little tired. She wanted to head on back to her friend Ginger’s and settle in for a quiet night with friends. She was looking forward to having a nice dinner and maybe a drink or two out on the porch.
Snowy stopped off at Motts Channel Seafood for some fresh shrimp for dinner. Motts had a seasonal display of gourds at the register. One look at the lumpy, bumpy gourds and Snowy started missing her husband … who had to stay home due to his hemorrhoids.

Fortunately, Snowy didn’t miss her husband long. She was hungry and couldn’t wait for her shrimp and steak dinner with friends.

Dinner was delicious and so was the wine. She drank wine with dinner. She drank wine while cleaning up the dishes. She drank wine out on the porch. Before you knew it, Snowy had downed the entire bottle.

And what goes better with a good buzz than a cigarette? We didn’t know Snowy smoked and asked her about this. Snowy asked for a light and said “There’s a lot about me that you don’t know.” As Jeff got a little closer to light Snowy’s “cigarette,” he realized that was no cigarette! Snowy had rolled a joint and was ready to party!!

We quickly realized this was going to be a long night.